8. Always preoccupied doing something other than anything that would require real effort. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. Since I found out he always shuts me down/pushes me away. I have been with my husband for 14 years.13 of them married. She has a steady job and will not leave it. Theres no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship, but there are ways you can help yourself and find closure. I know I need to shake out of this and after the first go round it probably shouldnt hurt this much.. Only it does. Whens it supposed to get better? Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. About three months ago he had been out in the garage for a particularly long time (this is were he smokes). He said he was unhappy for 10 years. Its so sad that 6 minths after he one-sidedly decided that OUR marriage was over, we are already divorced. The truth is if it is important to you, it should be important to him. I am a naturally sarcastic person He only saw our daughter twice a month.. Then after our son he asks me to come back I go back and hes still trctong her the night I moved back in so the very next morning with my 1 week old baby and my toddler I pack up and move out again. I dont know how this pain is ever going to go away. Awful. There was shattered glass all over the floor in the closet and the home was in utter chaos, and our newborn and 6 year old watching it all in as much disbelief as me. Tell her how much you want it to work & that you can change those things. She didnt admit the affair part until this week. But wow now three months of this has gone by and it only gets worse. Coping with the end of a relationship can be difficult on many levels. Yes, it sucks, but im young, and life does go on i suppose only time will tell if this is a permanent seperation or not. I been with my sons father for 8 years and throughout the whole 8 years he never treated me like a real person he always treated me like I was one of his friends and I never had the respect given from him to me but anyhow I stayed in this relationship it was rocky on and off I even left eight months in 2013 and he came back in 2014 of December and things have not been right every since I asked him cuz he have a history of cheating on me while we were in our relationship and always ask about other people were there at and why do you choose to keep coming back well I got a bit of a surprise in January of 2015 I was with him and that was the last time Ive been with him I found out that he have had a friend on the side and Im actually okay with that because the relationship has been rocky since the beginning so I just want to know why he didnt tell me straight forward that he was leaving me for another woman. I did what every online blog said not to do. When I first left the security of my nuclear family, my house, and my marriage the world initially seemed so shaky and unstable. So we come home and a week later she leaves again and stays gone almost two weeks. Love is blind, but Im not so blind any more. Over the past year he has been leaving me in the dark about a lot of stuff. No they will not. As I realized in conversation with the neurologist I saw, often, when you are in protracted pain for a long time, your neurological system goes on automatic; its as if theres a signal for pain that gets stuck on ON!. But I enjoyed the article.simply great. I feel exactly the same as you Im saying this to let you know that you are not the only one. She came back after months and said wow you have changed! .. My wifes response was a complete shock I truly believed she still loved me as much as I have always loved her she was my only love I have never loved anyone else and I never once fell out of love with her and in actuality I was the romantic in our marriage. I am going through another divorce with my business partner, she will be leaving my office October . My husband of five years, 11years together came home from work, it had been a week since he works away from home and left me, one week before Christmas. Just for leaving someone that i wasnt happy with. Married 3 with a baby, also 3. A month ago my partner of 4 years woke up got ready for work, was just about to leave when I asked him about meeting to go book our summer holidays he turned to me and said I dont think we should as I dont live you anymore Im leaving you. I love my children and feel I am stuck between it all Surviving; my job; my children and my new love. Below, divorce attorneys and marriage therapists share the most damaging things you can say in a marriage and what you should say to your spouse instead. Well I was very scared and in a state of nervousness myself. He was messing with a female on his ship one pay grade lower and still got away with it. Finally she calls when she is halfway there. By not fighting, however, you may be able to begin your grieving process, and subsequent healing process, sooner. Hello, I am a 35 year old woman and my wife and I split just two days ago. In terms of what I did, I was blind and did not see the signs. She has always suffered from mental health issues and I have been there for her come hell or high water. I feel so used and he plays the blame game where I complain about him not helping he just wants everything his way and no compromise . no good reason and that hes been thinking about it for a year! He was my best friend, and had promised we could co-parent., My childs father was leaving me. I think if you Google about them you will also see so many similar traits in the comments (such as yours ) come to light. My niece has cancer and dying. I think that when the hurt has worn off a little I will let her read this. He left me and 3 weeks after he was already dating a girl. Best wishes! She knows not what she does. The aftermath, says Emma, was brutal. My husband of 5 years told me he no longer loves me about 4 months ago. People are self-centered and do not think of the people they hurt. She is bipolar and has legal issues along with immigration issues. I used to make more money than him and since I got laid off he changed towards me. I am breaking apart because I am getting the divorce process in place but I love my wife. But Ive never really been able to trust him and while he says this time theres no one else and this time its about us not being able to live together and his miserable I make him and have pushed him away, a week after he left I saw him with another woman. You might want to file a complaint against her to freeze your money before you get that back. My son is in the same school as this womans daughter and my husband has already been talking to this woman about the kids being step-siblings. She had an affair and i found out about, and I think she cant stand living with the guilt, so by leaving the marriage the guilt goes away. It is so hard I know.. but Im living proof that you can and will trust again if you allow yourself to believe. I took it over as there were 4super large steel trays full of food that would have gone to waste if I left it at home. To obtain a list of therapists or counselors in your area, please enter your ZIP code here: Please know you are not alone. And that this medication for *seizures* was effective *because* of the way my neurological system and brain was processing the lengthy aftermath of that injury. I am also working on it. He says he loves me very much but is not in love with me I am devastated feel like Im dying inside. 3. I am not trying to put your love down. So sorry to hear this..:( I have been with wife for 18 years and she wants a divorce. And to make things worse I think Im getting addicted to them. I know that getting over your husband is a very difficult process to go through. Too bad he is having a mid-life melt down. But its almost sociopathic, I think, to be so accommodating to the same person that you were in a self- described toxic relationship with and a partner that you couldnt ever communicate with and now be completely calm and methodical with. I didnt take money from the family to buy stuff for myself, I didnt spend a bunch of our money on pain pills and lose my job while my wife was five months pregnant, I didnt cheat, I didnt constantly lie about everything. Then he told me he wasnt leaving anymore he chose me because I love him so much Im so confused I dont know what to do CUs know I cant trust him or if he decides to do it again. Youre young. I love him and i have tried to do a lot to make him happy. And I never told her of my past until we started to drift apart sexually after the birth of our second child, which was 6 years into the marriage. Common I tried police, child services, court all backfired in my face and I lost them all together for 7 months I WILL NOT get anything like that involved again as I have absolutely no faith in it. I dont think he is as he has a very close relationship with his family. Do not communicate with him as he will only confuse and hurt you more! He said there was no one else and now he is back in his country parading around with someone else whom I have heard he plans to marry. He blames everything on me told his brother that I made his daughter hate him. They make promises, to you and your children, and when those promises are . I let her go once before many years ago and it was truly the biggest mistake of our lives. My wife denies it. A therapist or counselor can often be supportive and helpful. Because of his looks people often say he's punching or ask him how he pulled me because I am a low profile runway model and I'd say I'm pretty conventionally attractive. She had forgiven me on every occasion but this recent one, really hit her. After it finally sunk in that the man I thought Id married was obviously not and whats more he wasnt even trying to cover up or be nice any more. I have just left my partner of 16 years. Despite the length of a relationship, each partner must be committed to doing their share of the work, and communicating their own needs. Im now 35. I banished him to the basement couch while I tried to deal with my shock and disbelief. He has been gone for about six months now. 5. So we moved and then I noticed she one week she ceas carry we cell with her at all times, this was not like her she even slept with it . He would always say. If you feel stuck in your grief, or if holding onto hope a spouse will return is preventing you from moving forward, speaking with a mental health professional may help. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. But the reality is, I dont want to move to the next phase of what do I do if he doesnt. And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. He acts like he hates me and he told me at Christmas that he is sick of me and he doesnt care if i stay or left but,i can leave the kids. I miss the physical contact which I thought was good. 5 years ago I bumped in to a high school friend. It is you used to do this , you used to do that. "No!". See a priest. In hind site, probably too much. I still love her since I said I do. Its been almost 2 years and for the last 3 days Im an emotional wreck, this shouldnt hurt this much this far along. You deserve to be happy, bottom line. Respond to me let me know how youre doing :). Hope things are looking up for you. Youve got to understand that sometimes no matter what you do its just not good enough for that other person. Ill never forget the date. She was the main person I talked to and let her manage things. Hating him will only make it harder for you to move on with your life and put this marriage in the past where it belongs. Hi Kelly, how are you doing these days? You have to let go of the past and move on with your life. I must be strong. My husband left me after 21 years to find his happiness and looking for an emotional connection because we were miles apart. I will keep this no contact for as long as humanly possible. They will never know how grateful I am. Then the on the Wednesday he told me he was leaving. I am totally devastated. Trying to force him to love you again is a waste of time because thats not how love works. Scharnett-King K. (2022). Try to relinquish anger and resentment to create space for understanding and growth. I am dealing with the reality that Ill see my son a lot less. Depression is difficult to combat and resolve alone. Do not let what God has put together be destroyed by a man/woman or their actions. I have had 15 yrs of therapy along with institutional treatment, CBT, outpatient care thousands of AA Meetings and lots of retreats. Anyway things bumbled along for about 2 years then her new best friend decided to came on to me which I thought was a joke at first as that sort of thing never happens to me (my wife is the pretty one). But he hurts me everyday. He says they have not had sex but it is an emotional affair just as bad or worse! Tonight while in bed at my place we had an argument. Ive let go, Ive got my life back and cant wait to hear you and others on this site can feel the same way . And they turned their back on me and their grand kids. We had a solid marriage and two great kids. LOL. It is atrocious and inhumane how you have been treated. We are either a family all the time or we wont be at all. The terms broken home, broken family, failed marriage, broken marriage, are still terms used to describe my situation, all of which I loathe. Honor yourself and keep your integrity through this process. Too bad you couldnt put a nanny cam in their house or have your oldest one record what goes on on the phone or something to prove to the police that the truth children are being mismanaged. They might even join in on helping you through this by giving comfort or simply laughing with you at how messed up your marriage is now. Because if you still love your spouse, what you really need is a plan of attack to mend your marriage. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. Also she kept looking at me at the bar.. My very best wishes to you all. With regard to Barbis comment, the article is written under the divorce section so I am speaking to people who are completely uncommitted and have left, or the abandoned partner who has no choice in the matter. April 22, 2022, 1:05 am. My husband for 8 months blame everuthing in our marriage even though I was faithful every single deployment and training. Loyalty, infidelity, honesty. 3. Very nice article, great to help people move on to enjoy the rest of their lives, your kindness shows through, thank you for writing it. I feel for you. Two blows in one go. My girlfriend of 5 years and mother of my child seems to have just done the very same thing to me. I looked everywhere and i sat outside of the area for a long time. Then we irretrievably hate. The only items I had were a bag of clothes and a computer. I DONT believe it and im so hurt, now im struggling to go on and when i think of what my kids will go through it breaks my heart..I simply cant envision my future without him..but i must. The next day she betrayed me again and left to this other mans bed. Feels like Im physically dying. I havent slept in 3 days and eating is very minimal. He rarely asked me about my day and never remembered anything I told him. I feel for everyone here because the pain is so difficult to deal with. Protect your assets. I am caught between being committed to get through the bad stuff to get to the good stuff and being tired of all the conflict and chaos. I want to move back to Florida and i just dont think its worth us fighting to save the marriage anymore. Sort the legal separation stuff and you can do a divorce online for free. I cannot tell you how many exs I have that say they never believed I would ever leave. I stuck a fork in it, took a picture and called it therapy.! She had no ex or children and is at the age where perhaps she thought she was going to be left on the shelf. I cant stop crying but dont know what to think. Sorry for your situation i am also dealing with a similar situation I was just told by a woman I have been with for 9 years who is also the mother of our 5yo daughter that we will not be getting married next month as planned she will be getting married to someone else this was completely out of no where considering the past five mo have been nothing but me working no less than 80 hours a week as many as 120 just killing myself to build our house and support our family not only did she leave me alone on Christmas she took my daughter and went to be with this man thats older than her granparents she refused to give me a few hours wth my kid Christmas Day eventually I took my daughter that evening thing I cant figure is she was telling everyone of our apparent wedding date and spending all my money saying how she loves me so much and cant wait to be married just hours before she decided it was not what she wants now being in a smaller town immediately everyone knows i felt really low like Im young and have my own business I felt like I was doin ok trying to build a future and she leaves me for an old man I was not only heartbroken but also felt so embarrassed ashamed angry I couldnt even pick my head up I couldnt look anyone in the eye it has been pretty much the most humiliating horrible thing I have ever experienced as a recovering addict I hit a low that far exceeded my worst days of being a herion addict at this point Im still in what ppl wold consider a risky time period for relaps however its just not an option i just refuse to go back to that miserable exestiance being fully clean I felt alive for the first time in years I was feeling happier than Id ever been my life was going great I just couldnt be thankful enough I was at an all time high in life my daughter was just doing great got my business going beautiful woman life was just perfect and then it happened hit a low I never knew where did this come from this woman I trusted with my life how could she just leave me I never thought I could feel so horrible using has not been an issue I know the outcome and I dont need it never got a sorry or nothing not a dam thing it just goes on an on the things got worse and worse big mess she just wont stop trying to ruin my life point is my friend I made really do love this woman more than I can express but I have chosen to sever this wicked witch from my life other than picking up or dropping off my kid as much as it hurts not to fight for her she must not love anyone but herself if she is so willing to risk putting my daughter into a broken home possibility of triggering relapse that will certainly end my life the shame she puts on all of us the lies told for months in church to her parents that happen to be the most amazing ppl I have ever known broke their hearts as well due to their religious stand point and the relationship I have with them this was very disappointing to them disappointed is an understatement I actually was feeling bad about how much it hurt them I couldnt believe it these ppl loved me and their grandchild so much that it really really destroyed their hopes after all they had done to help us get our lives together including the financial means to build a house that was for the three of us something I could not have ever imagined living in without them I originally was doing the house just to help them do whatever they wanted to do with it but then they were just like by the way when its done you guys can have it we only worked nights weekends on it because I never would let them pay me even when I had no idea they would give it to us just because they had already done so much for me in the years I been with their daughter one of the harder things about loosing my girl was that I love her parents like they were my own and I have for many years through all this nothing will ever change between her parents and myself that is a big help I try not to be angry its not been but a matter of days Im up and down I just cant be with a woman that is so selfish and put my daughter through any more than she has endured she has been through enough and I dont have time to give my relationship it all needs to focus on my daughter not to mention that her mother has not shown or made any indication that she is sorry or even willing to come back if you feel like you cant live without her you can I feel the same way but I know I have loved before and I can again in time so can you if you feel you can work it out and move forward with a good result go for it this is not the first time this woman has done this to me you see we have been down this road and all I can say is this was the last time I already know she will make an attempt to come back at some point but I can not let her as much as it hurts and I want to be with her were humans too we deserve better than the pain that type of situation puts us in most times they do it once they will do it again I also have found that in my experience the more beautiful she is on the outside the person in that beautiful shell is ugly rotten there are girls that are beautiful all the way around you just have to be willing to look for them cause they are out there then you gotta be smart enough not to let them get away no matter what no woman is out of any mans league thats just what ppl say that dont have the confidence to get what they want dont feel like you have to accept being cheated on because your not gonna find someone better thats just not true and inner beauty is the way to go Ive had relationships with both and the the pretty ones always make life unbearable I have only met a small handful of women that were beautiful and not messed up in the head beyond repair I have met tons of girls I was not attracted to that by the end of a conversation were suddenly starting to be interesting eventually I become very attracted to and they have been the best girlfriends hands down this has been my personal experience I dont know if it helps but writing about it helps me and hopefully you werent like me and your woman was cheating with an old man this girl is super hot 26 and she is sleeping with an old man I mean like sixty thats just I hope thats not your situation its pretty damaging to my pride manhood whatever but in reality its not me what sane person does that I thought what if I did that to her with some old woman no thanks Im not into it even if I was Id be ashamed enough not too be open about it so if anything you can get a laugh out of it I used to always joke with this girl about her doin this when we watched the movie big daddy once and after that it was just a little joke we had apparently I was joking ok well I hope you come to solution that leaves you happy I am not happy about the choice I made but I just have to do it its hard to imagine the woman you love being with someone thats not you no matter how old or young either way it still hurts and makes you feel like life is over but u gotta take care of the little ones gotta be their dad nobody can be his or her dad better than u and dont go back into something you know is over but you dont want to accept it thats what I did even when she told me she loved me I knew she didnt but she would lie to me and i would pretend like she was telling the truth because I didnt want to accept it was really over for good at some point I knew I would have to so now is as good as any good luck to you I hope you get the best possible outcome just remember your not any less important than her if you let yourself slip into that idea they will walk all over you but I dont know I dont want to give bad advice thats just my experience everything I said is the way it happened for me but cant say for anyone else women are all a little bit crazy in some way guess we all are, Stay strong brotha. Had there been any changes in his behavior towards you? Latter he leaves the house and stay for days, some times weeks without telling me his whereabouts. I didnt understand it at all l would always tell him if you want to be with other people please jut let me know l do not wish to be a part of that. And I have plenty of divorced friends who are now happy. She explains its natural to feel guilt, as its the bodys way of making sense of something unfathomable. Suffering from Depressing and other sickness as gotten worse for me. What part of the country are you in? Theyve only been talking for weeks and he thinks he has fallen in love with this person. He even deposited the 1st alimony early and as a (unrequested by me) convenience, closed my checking account and mailed a check to myour house to save me a trip to the bank! Yup its called life. Love hurts. Abuse is never okay, and help is available if you are experiencing it. Im glad youre getting counselling as I think this has hurt you deeply and will need mending from your core. Im a good person, loving, caring, giving and trustworthy. Didnt know our kids friends girlfriends or boyfriends. It has now been some time since then and many conversations regarding the relationship not being one where we operated as a couple. This is often the most painful reason for a leaving, but it's also sometimes the easiest to accept. Read what happens when a) they loose their job. Dick Masterson speaks the TRUTH. Any opinions? Hi John, dear lord. I was just so stunned, this lady used to have an actual heart, now I dont know what to make of it all I am so confused. Sleeping in the spare room shows separation and guilt. Not sure how to recover from this. With Elizabeth Vargas, PMDD Quiz: Do I Have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. But I will not allow someone to make an inaccurate statement about people with personal disorders. And some families have one parent. Either way Im totally broken, unable to cope and cannot see a way ahead. How are things going now? . Two days later I went and begged for another chance.she said yes and we spent what I thought was a day filled with renewed spirit, touching holding talking. Just because someone is depressed, has anxiety, or [insert mental illness here], doesn't mean you should write them off. Im sorry for your pain right now. You have described your situation and it is exactly as I feel. I dont know how tomtell friends/ the kids, the family. My break ups I had a choice die, lay in my bed forever and lose my job, or take the bull by the horns and say I am a good person and I deserve better!! He was my rock. We made each other laugh every day, we goofed off an had fun. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. The unfortunate truth is unless two people are willing to work on a marriage it will never work. Refuses to consider the possibility that if she actually wanted this back she would have to at least remove 100% every single reminder to me, just like she did for him when she moved him into my bed so quick Im sure he still smelt my farts lol. I was forced to leave my home as there is no available help there at all and what help is available is on a wait list and is for a facility outside my territory only (and the wait list is between 6-10 months). I have recently been told by my wife that she is divorcing me. My original post would have sounded very similar to yours here. I suspected something was going on with her why she broke and i taught she was seeing someone and maybe this guy from before.. Please help I feel like Im drowning and dont know how to protect my kids from the pain they will feel, I feel horrible for you, this is going to be a very hard time but youre going to have to focus on the kids.
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