she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. In the case where a woman goes to prison because she raped a kid, you can bet theyre going to hit her up for child support too. But hes 40?! lets_be_honest She takes her pill every day at the same time. Nice way to generalize. Its unfortunate that he may potentially be a life-long relationship as parents with this woman, in addition to the legal responsibilities for the child, but any 40 year old man knows that is a potential risk. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. Are sued for child support. You already have something that will tie you to her for minimum 18 years. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. He hadnt. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. Life is unfair. him: I would prefer if you had an abortion. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) Whether or not the current laws are unfair to the man are irrelevant since this child has already been conceived. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. REALLY? & he tells me now, the mother agreed to take the child & look after the child, & he will leave the baby mama for me, because he loves me. Thanks for noticing, though. I dont understand the level of anger sparked by this man not wanting to be physically involved in this childs life. April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. SpaceySteph April 9, 2012, 7:33 pm. I think the overwhelming majority of adoptive parents are good, caring, nurturing parents. Blood is not everything. Hes furious with the woman for keeping the child. Of course my opinion of her is based on the story he is telling you. So, it's up the guy to put the idea out there of getting back together and proving to his ex that it's worth a shot. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. Anyway, he ended the relationship with her and surprise, shes knocked up. And you cant have conception without sperm. But there is a happy ending to this story. He knew it but was willing to take that risk just like any man does when they engage in sex with a woman. Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. As far as your relationship with him. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. Just something to think about. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. it will be her due by July or Aug. well, The reason why I asked you about your opinion because it's really hard for me to make a decision to leave her behide her pregnant on her own. iseeshiny Part of the agreement was they he was to never have any contact with the child. I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. Yes, its shitty. There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. I agree Savannah. In the future, if I should ever have the desire to date again I would use condoms in addition to birth control to make sure I dont get diseases. Any advice on this would be appreciated as Im so confused and hurt. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. Fine. SweetsAndBeats She didnt ask for any help with the other women so why would people be throwing out their opinions on that? As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. Nor is there any guarantee that the woman who tells you that she doesnt want to have a baby wont change her mind when faced with that decision. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! That pretty much sums it up for me. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. well, then Id run screaming the other way. Or that the person youve known for two minutes and are now having sex with is being honest with you about anything. I dont think I have ever seen so many thumbs up on one post And it deserves them! Youre right, it could be unenforceable. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. April 9, 2012, 12:24 pm. Steve Kellmeyer And at 40 years of age, he should know how babies are made and if he didnt want kids, maybe he should have considered getting snipped? If you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. He can have an opinion about her but its absurd to be mad at her because they created a baby. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. Especially if you think the laws are unfair, I think youd be particularly cautious in your actions. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. As of now, all he has done is indicated that he wanted her to have an abortion. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. She deserves to be treated as cheap and unwanted but he doesnt deserve to skate free. I almost lost the fingers on my right hand from it. Understand that he will not leave her for you. Because the one who is raising the kid is obviously already supporting it. Im not questioning the reality of the situation Im questioning the inherent fairness of the law today. Way to break a young girl's heart. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. Will he react the same? As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. He found her annoying but still slept with herI think this was pretty assholish behavior. 1. That support is not hers. The point is that no one cares about your guesswork, sunshine. Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. Dont choose to roll those dice if you cant cope with all of the possible outcomes. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. Whos the daddy? So I have a pretty positive impression of my biological father. Move forward with your life. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. And the man? I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. evanscr05 Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. If theres anyone whos unfairly been put in this mess, its not you its the baby. Sometimes the contribution of a father who doesnt want to be a father is far worse than the lack of father. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. My sister has 3 birth control babies. Year 1970. Best of luck. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.
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